As a mom of a busy baby, who (sorta) works and (really) goes to school, I am only just starting to think about what is going to be the second biggest event of my life: Giving birth to this baby boy. First place goes to giving birth the first time. What a doozie that is!
I spent a lot of time thinking about labour and birth when I was pregnant with Babe. It was a bit of an obsession and in the end, I was no better off for it. Because circumstances were very different, I spent a lot of time being angry and frustrated and terrified to have to go to the hospital. My biggest fear was being induced. Second biggest fear was having an epidural. Both of these things happened.
I look at the friends of mine including MamaUrbana, who had hoped for natural births, but did not cling to the idea that it MUST happen that way. Most of these people succeeded in having drug-free hospital births! I think this says a lot.
The plan, right now is to have this baby boy at home in a birthing pool, with the help of two midwives and one rockstar doula. My husband will be there and offer all the awesome support he did the first time around.
I keep running through the scene in my head again and again. It seems like a fairy tale compared to the one I ran in my mind two years ago. The scene I pictured two years ago involved white coats, stirrups, needles, IVs, drugs, pressure, clicking clocks. In the end, I got what I dreamed of. What a nightmare!
In this scene, everything happens in the comfort of my own home. The only people in my home are people who want what is best for me. A calm, intervention-free birth. And my cat. There is water, lights as dim as I want them and probably music. Babe is there, free to come and go as she pleases, with a doula hired especially to take care of her.
I know better this time, then to think I can predict exactly how this birth is going to go. We really never know. I know I could end up in an emergency C-section. I know my blood pressure could get high and I could end up delivering at the hospital. I know I could have GBS and an IV with antibiotics. But I also know this time, in the care of amazing women, I have some pretty great chances of having the birth that I so badly want.
I have been reading positive birth stories. I have been watching homebirth and waterbirth videos and slideshows. CodeName Mama has an awesome roundup! I have been practicing breathing and yoga. I’ll meet with my doula on Friday and have a home visit with my midwife next week. She will bring us the things we need to have the baby at home, and walk us through the things we must gather ourselves.
In thinking about this birth I am not scared. Not like I was last time. I am looking forward to it. I know a birth done on a woman’s own terms is an empowering experience. When we do it ourselves, instead of having things done to us by people we don’t trust, the outcome is likely to be a little different, isn’t it?