Extended Breastfeeding-What does that mean?

I was just thinking about this last night, we went out to dinner and there was a woman bf’ing her daughter (she wasn’t a toddler but around that 12mnth stage) and I don’t remember thinking a whole lot of it but then you somehow popped into my brain and I glanced around to see if anyone else seemed to notice. There were a few “odd” glances and whispers and I suddenly felt like jumping to the poor girl’s defence (I didn’t, that would have been weirder I’m sure) but it made me think about how I feel about it. I never had any issue with bf’ing in public, J was hungry, he ate. I myself am old school modest so I always covered up but that was for my own comfort more than the general public’s. However, I have to be honest and say that I do find it odd to see someone nursing an older child. I remember a friend’s stepsister’s son ripping her shirt up in a grocery store and yelling “nummies” when (in my mind) he was well past the age of needing it (when he can stand up and demand I thought, enough is enough). My opinions on this (and many things) have changed after having a baby. I think that babies should be allowed to come to certain milestones on their own, there is such a pressure to wean, off this and that and it always feels to me like I’m thrusting my babe into something he’s not ready for yet. I don’t know how I would decide when enough is enough, J decided for us last time around and just stopped so I guess I would let babe #2 decide too. A very interesting question though and great post. I think if more women were comfortable bf’ing in public (older and younger babes) then it would not seem strange. Unfortunately, the idea of bf’ing a toddler in this neck of the woods is represented as something that is perverse and unseemly (just look at any movie or tv show or the like that represents a bf’ing toddler and it comes off as something to poke fun at, to report to authorities or banish into the shadows). We’ve got a long way to go before it’s the norm here but maybe one day.

I breastfed Dylan until he was 14 months old. He decided to wean. I probably would have like to go to 2 years as well. I’m a breastfeed anywhere, anytime type of person. For ME 2ish would have been long enough, BUT it really doesn’t bother me to know or see others breastfeed until waht ever age they do (although, I would probably get caught staring if I saw a 10 year old bf’ing).

My daughter is now 11 months, and I’m beginning to find myself ready to wean her. I am tired of nursing her in public. Tired of people looking and having people feel uncomfortable around me while I’m nursing. I have never been entirely comfortable with nursing in public. I’ve always worn a cover, but now, even wearing the cover doesn’t hide my embarassment. I know I have nothing to be embarassed about, but no one in my family has ever breastfed this long, and only one of my girlfriends bfs her daughter at 23 months. When we’re at home, I’m completely ok about it, but when we’re out, I just don’t look forward to it.

i don’t think it’s weird at all, quite the opposite actually, totally normal.  if i were to see a five or six year old breastfeeding, i have to admit, i might find it a little strange, but most definitely not a one year old, or even a two or three year old for that matter.  you and your daughter will decide how long you will breastfeed and whatever you decide will be right for you and your family.  you’re awesome for sticking with it even when it was really hard.

With both of my kids I told myself “a year” as a guideline.  No hard line, but just get to a year, if they still want it, and go from there.  Well, with my oldest we got to 14 months and she was down to one comfort feed in the middle of the night.  I had to go on a medication that wasn’t safe for her so we stopped without much fuss on her part.  My son is now a few days from being 22 months and he is still firmly attached.  I honestly didn’t expect for it to go on this long but I’ve just kept going with the flow.  I’m really ready to be done but I’m having a hard time saying no to him.  I’m 10 weeks pregnant with our 3rd child and I would like a break and for him to be able to go back to sleep on his own if he wakes up at night.  I loved the bonding and still do, but selfishly, I wish I could get some more rest before we start the cycle all over again.  I wish there were more resources on how to wean a toddler.  It’s SO hard to tell him no when he signs ‘milk’ and says ‘peeeease’ with those little eyes.  And now he’s starting to say milk too and I just cave.  I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, because it’s not, but personally I’m ready to be done (till the next one.)

for me it’s not about whether we’re out or at home. these days it’s about setting some boundaries (like with many other things). there’s a lot of communication between us at this point (14 months old) and she is able to wait for some things or accept that sometimes it’s not the right time to play/eat/breastfeed/do certain things. i felt that breastfeeding a million times a day (and night) was the main way she knew to get food+drink+comfort, so now i decided to help her to transition (in order to help myself) and i try to offer those in some other ways (something to eat / water/ hug/ all of the above). she very often accepts the alternatives! (oh yeah, for the last 4 nights there was no breastfeeding between bedtime and 6am, yes!).
all that actually made breastfeeding times very special moments for us. she loves it of course and for me it’s no longer draining (because i don’t have to satisfy the appetite of a 14 months old with only breast-milk 24 hours around the clock).i’m hoping to continue breastfeeding for as long as both of us enjoy it.and i have no problem doing it outside, i’m almost happy to respond to the questioning looks (and questions) because i feel so great about breastfeeding, so absolutely confident about how amazing it is for my daughter and for our relationship – it makes it easy to deal with whatever people say. more than anything, simply doing it, as if it’s not a big deal (you said it – normal!) is the best thing. she’s a toddler and she’s breastfeeding – what’s the big deal?

I was still nursing in public at 2, and occasionally at 3, but I drew the line at 4. I think it’s whatever makes you comfortable, though. My son was an avid nurser still at 2 and 3, nursing several times a day, but I knew I didn’t want any negativity directed at my son, who rightly doesn’t know there’s supposed to be something weird about his extended breastfeeding. We’re now down to mornings and nights, and some skipping of that, so nursing him in public isn’t a question anymore.

I nursed my 1st for 22 months, 2nd for 34 months, and 3rd for 30 months. I found that they nursed less in public, as toddlers, because they were busy or eating regular food. I still nursed them when they needed it, wherever we were. I guess I was really discreet because I never got a negative comment or weird look. I remember a few times, in restaurants, when I ordered a meal for a toddler, who was nursing at that moment!

I am currently bottle feeding my 4th baby because we adopted him. We “bottlenurse” which means feeding on demand, not letting him hold the bottle (to mimic breastfeeding), etc. The looks and comments I’ve gotten, now that he’s over 1, are way worse than any I got for nursing. Guess bottles aren’t discreet

I prefer the term ‘full-term breastfeeding’ rather than ‘extended breastfeeding’, I think it helps in normalising it to some extent.  My little girl is 17 months and feeding heartily, I prefer to think that I am doing the normal thing by letting her decide when to wean rather than the abnormal forced early weaning that has been the cultural norm in our society.

We still feed pretty much anywhere and everywhere, without shame, although I do sometimes ask her to wait a few minutes if it’s more convenient.  For example, the other day we were in the car, I was driving, she was buckled into her seat in the back and we were five minutes from home.  I asked her to wait until we got there, which was fine.  When she was tiny I would stop the car, get in the back, take her out of the seat and feed her no matter how near home we were!

I agree with Mighty. I had a friend that nursed her child when she was around 3 and that kid was a brat. I thought it was partly to do with my friend nursing her but I also knew that the child wasn’t given ANY rules and did everything they wanted and her brattiness was a result of a child wanting boundaries and not being given them. I always thought it was odd back then, but now that I have my son, we are at 4 months and I know I want to go for at least a year and possibly longer, depending on my son and if I get pregnant again.

I do not have a toddler breastfeeding but i do have a 10 week old who YES i feed him in public. im proud to be nursing him others around when im nursing out in public tend to leave but i feel that that is their fault not mine I will not be ashamed of what im doing . helps that i have an udder cover tho=) i will nurse my son until he is done how ever long that may be.

I’ve seen mamas breastfeeding toddlers. I think it’s wonderful that they can continue on past the recommended year. With my first I dried up before my year base goal which I felt really sad about. With my second, she’s 7 months and I’m still going! I’m really hoping this time to make it to the year mark and beyond.

I am still nursing my 18 month old in public as I always have (no cover either, but I am discrete).  I am planning on about two years, but I am very open to his signals on the weaning process. I won’t “cut him off”. I wasn’t sure on the etiquette here, but I  nursed in a pew through my uncles funeral last week. It was a very simple way to ensure  him quiet and comforted (he was a little freaked out by all of the adults crying and hugging ans such). Let me be clear also that I didn’t BF just to make him not talk or fuss; he signed for milk and cuddled in my lap in position. It doesn’t help that it was during normal nap time. No one seemed bothered by it, and my mother and aunt even encouraged it. My husband thinks its a bit weird that I am still nursing but supports me the same. 

I’m breastfeeding strong still at 22 months…the longest of my 3 kids.  My goal has always been 2 years old as well.  For me it’s strange…it feels completely normal to feed her and not weird at all…but when I see my friend feeding her 28 month old, it’s strange for me. LOL.  I feel the bond with my child but don’t see or feel the bond others have with their kids…but they do! So no judging on my part, all the power to the mamas who go past 2 with their kids!  It’s great!  Not sure how I’ll feel when we get to the 24 month range but we’ll see how it is when we get there. I can’t imagine myself saying ‘no’.

I breastfed my daughter for 34 months and the last time she nursed in public was at the aquarium the week before she stopped completely. While she definitely nursed in public more as a tiny baby but there seemed to be at lest once a week right up to the end where she needed it right now; whether it was due to tiredness, overstimulation, injury, or just because.

I am nursing a 23 month old. My initial goal was 2, but now that it’s a month away, I don’t think its going to come easy! LOL!  I’d rather allow her to self-wean than have to wean her unnaturally.

Thanks for an interesting entry. I agree that the term extended is culturally biased, it all comes down to the norm of the society we live&nurse in.

When it comes to public nursing of toddlers, I guess it’s uncommon simply because most toddlers in our part of the world (I am in Norway, but I suppose it’s the same in the rest og Europe and North-America) don’t nurse much during daytime. So not nursing them in public is for most people a sign that they don’t nurse at times when we’re out in public, not that we’re afraid of nursing them in public. My daughter’s morning and evening sips are not at times when I go out of the house I am active in the Norwegian equivalent of LLL and know quite a few mothers who nurse for 2-3 years there, and I also “find” some women outside these circles from time to time, but it’s not very common. In Norway 5-6% nurse for 24 months, but there is no statistics beyond that. (Add to that that I am 7 months pregnant, and I am clearly a minority )

But I was wondering about your claim that the average weaning age worldwide is 4 years. Do you have any sources for that? I have seen that claim before, and I have done quite a lot of research into it to find any reliable sources – but I can’t find any. I think this claim comes from a misintepretation of Katherine Dettwyle’s  “A Natural Age of Weaning” which looks at when humans would wean *if we weaned at the same pace as primates*, or as she writes herself, “My research has looked at the various
“life-history” variables (such as length of gestation, birth weight, growth
rate, age at sexual maturity, age at eruption of teeth, life span, etc.) in non-human
primates and then looked at how these variables correlate with age at weaning in these
animals.” She also says that talking about an average weaning age makes no sense since there is so much cultural bias there, but that “inn
societies where children are allowed to nurse “as long as they want” they
usually self-wean, with no arguments or emotional trauma, between 3 and 4 years of age.”. But her article does by no means say that the average weaning age is 3-4 years, just that this seems to be the age if kids are allowed to self-wean at their own pace.From my knowledge of breastfeeding rates throughout the world – UNICEF has some statistics on this for many countries – an average weaning age of 4 years is also unlikely. BF rates are depressingly low in many of the most populated parts of the world (including China and  most of Africa). India and Indonesia (with ca 17% and 3.5% of the world poulation) are pleasant exceptions, with 66% and 50% nursing to 2 years and a median weaning age of about 25 and 21 months respectively.(I wrote an entry about this in my own blog, but it’s in Norwegian only. I think I’ll translate it to English soon, as it’s in my not so humble opinion is a good reference to this research.)

Comforting words for moms who are still figuring out how they feel about baby-led weaning.  For those who are nursing past two years, obviously you’re not alone with the worldwide average weaning age at more than four years.  Be encouraged to do what is right for your family and ignore the negative people.  With my three children I was continuously lactating for ten years.  My eldest and youngest are five years apart.  Do the math.  That means nursing through two pregnancies (actually nursing two when I became pregnant with my third); tandem nursing; and experiencing complete weaning at ages 4, 3 1/2, and 4 1/2 from eldest to youngest.  The best ten years of my life.